he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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