Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
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So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
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"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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