JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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