Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
