Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Randomize
