no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
