So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
