I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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