I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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