a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
