Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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