dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
