you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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