I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
