:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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