You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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