Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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