Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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