physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize