she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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