so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
