He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
