I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
