Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.