Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.