well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
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You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
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But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut