You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
These 27 People Had No Idea What They Were Doing When It Came To Sex
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.