So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.