grandma shit on top of the toilet
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.