Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
she peed on how many people?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Randomize
