she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
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So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
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Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet