forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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