People in love make me want to vomit
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize
