im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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