Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
