I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
We left the knife in your bed.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
