i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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