Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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