well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
