imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
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OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
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Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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