So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Randomize
