My room smells like vodka and shame
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
