how can u be prego again
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
