im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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