Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
