So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
