If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Randomize
