dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Randomize
