Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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