it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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