If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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