I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
