You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
