Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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