After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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