I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
