I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
