This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
The beer is more important than you right now.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
