At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
