he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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