Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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