A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
