just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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