Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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