Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
