So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
