Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
