New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
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