i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Randomize
