Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
