For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
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