party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Randomize
