you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
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