watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
So I just went to clothing optional bar
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize