direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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